The Days Are Long but the Years Are Short

It’s official! She’s ours.  Her adoption was finalized in May.  That’s such a blessing since they told us it wouldn’t be final until July.  We have her new social security card and are waiting on her new birth certificate.  Hannah Kate is now Madison Avery.  

Life is wonderful.  I finally feel like I’m doing what God created me to do. I’m a mommy.  My life feels fulfilled. There is a hole that has been filled by a precious baby girl.  My family is now complete, and I can’t imagine life without her. 

However, I’m not going to pretend like it’s been easy.  It hasn’t.  The first two months were a major adjustment. Someone gave me an expression that says it all:  “The days are long but the years are short.”  I’m learning how true that really is. Most women have nine months to psych themselves up for motherhood.  I had a month to absorb everything.  In one month I went from not knowing anything about a baby, not having a nursery, not even thinking about adopting to having a beautiful girl and a completely stocked nursery.  God is good. But, all that blessing came with stress.  I was on an emotional roller-coaster ride, so when I brought Madison home, I started suffering from post-partum depression, which I didn’t even know was possible when you adopt, but after reading online and talking to an OBGYN, I found out that it is very common.  I found myself crying constantly, afraid to be alone with the baby, completely overwhelmed, but once my doctor put me on a low dose of Lexapro, things have been wonderful. Now I can actually enjoy the baby.  She sleeps well, so I am actually getting plenty of sleep now.  

I have learned a lesson about adoption.  I was always afraid to adopt.  I had heard horror stories of birth parents wanting the children back.  I had heard of kids born with addictions.  I was afraid of not bonding with the baby.  I was worried about how an adopted child would be treated. I was afraid of the cost and paperwork, but I can tell you that if God wants you to adopt, you have nothing to worry about.  It wasn’t too costly.  It was fast and easy, no complications.  I bonded with her immediately.  When I look at her, I can’t imagine that I would feel any differently with a biological child. She is mine.  To those of you who have thought about adopting but are frightened, don’t be.  It’s a true blessing and gift from God.  

Adoption has made me view my own mother in a different light.  I appreciate her even more now that I realize how much she sacrificed and how difficult it must have been to work full time and raise four children.  It’s hard enough with one.  Most importantly, as a Christian, it has made me view my God differently.  I look at Madison and am so proud of her.  I love her with a love I can’t explain.  I am reminded that God looks at me the same way.  He is so proud of me and loves me with unconditional love.  I get it now.  I also can’t imagine how he gave his only son for me, how he watched him die on that cross in agonizing pain.  I look at Madison and my heart breaks to think about that.  My eyes have been opened. 

We have a new normal now, and I like it.  I don’t want to go back to the way it was. We were blessed to both be able to take off work with her.  Richard just went back to work, and I am now off for eleven weeks.  Summer vacation is going to be wonderful.  Then she is off to daycare in the fall.  That will be a sad day, but I know they will take good care of her.

Madison will be three months old Wednesday.  She is growing so quickly.  She’s around twelve pounds now.  She gets up once a night at 3:00 am, but she takes her bottle and goes back to sleep.  She started teething and chews on everything.  She cackles and coos constantly and is almost flipping over. She loves to give her mommy slobbery kisses. I love it.  My heart melts every single time she grabs me.  She also loves to play with my hair, especially when she’s eating or is sleepy.  She rarely cries, loves to shop with me, sleeps at restaurants, and is a perfect angel 99% of the time.  We are blessed with a very good baby.  The greatest challenge we face is trying to tame her wild and curly hair. 

Someone asked us today if we wanted to adopt another one.  Who knows!? We didn’t even know about this one.  We just follow God’s lead.  Whatever he wants us to do, we will do it.  In fact, God has a sense of humor, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I got pregnant on my own now after all these years. God isn’t done with us yet.  I am sure great things are on the way.  It’s exciting to sit back and watch.  Nothing is impossible with God. 

Thank you all for your prayers, kind words, and support.  We have experienced an overflow of God’s love and provision. We feel so loved by everyone.   

God Is No Respecter of Persons

For years I’ve carried around an arsenal of Bible verses that I memorized, verses that pertained to our situation:  Ephesians 3:20, 1 Samuel 1:27, Psalm 113:9, Matthew 8:17, Luke 1:13-15, Luke 1:36-37, Romans 10:17, Genesis 1:28, Genesis 20:17, Genesis 21:6-7, Jeremiah 29:11. These are just a few, but I memorized so many of them and quoted them often. They were fuel for my soul. I just kept believing that God was no respecter of persons, so what he did for Sarah, Hannah, Rebekah, and Elizabeth, he would do for me. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t have days where I was frustrated with God.  I did, but I never lost hope.  I never doubted that we would be parents.  I just didn’t know how God would do it. What’s amazing is the way that he answered my prayer. 

 It’s no secret that I was never a fan of adoption.  I was never comfortable with the astronomical cost of an adoption agency. Plus, I had heard of so many horror stories.  I prayed so many times to God.  I would tell him that he would have to drop a baby in my lap if he wanted me to adopt because I just didn’t feel comfortable with it.  Well, God definitely has a sense of humor, because he did just that.  He literally dropped a baby in our laps.  A week after the most devastating failed fertility treatment, I got a message from a friend, a simple message that her cousin was pregnant and couldn’t keep the baby.  She read my blog and said that it was no coincidence.  It must be God orchestrated, and, indeed, it was.  So here we are three weeks later.  

I can’t express to you how much God’s hand has been all over this.  The cost was low.  The process was easy.  It was quick.  We had a relatively easy experience with no glitches.  We’ve experienced an overflow of blessings from the Lord. Every single need has been met.  We had three weeks to put a nursery together and get things situated with work.  Nursery furniture was given to us.  Nursery bedding was given to us.  Strollers, bassinets, swings, bouncy seats, you name it. It was all given to us.  I had enough days for a maternity leave and easily found a sub.  Richard is taking a paternity leave the last month of school, and then I’m home all summer. The monetary gifts we’ve been given are unbelievable.  There is absolutely no way that this isn’t God orchestrated.  Even the hospital was amazed at the fact that the birth mother had already met with the judge and signed away her rights and we already had the power of attorney.  They weren’t accustomed to that.  They were used to the lawyer coming to the hospital and having the mother sign the papers there.  They even told us that the only private adoption they had dealt with ended tragically with the mother changing her mind at the last minute.  That wasn’t the case for us.  The birth mother physically placed the baby in my arms. 

I knew this day would come.  I knew there would be a time when I would finally be a mother and could sit back and look at how God performed a miracle in my life.  It’s amazing to see how he operates. It may not be what I envisioned, but his plan was ten times better than mine ever could be. Sometimes it seems so surreal, like a dream. God is good.  He loves his children.  He hears our cries, and he answers our prayers.  If you don’t have a relationship with him, now is the time to get to know him.  My life would’ve been so hopeless without him and his promises.

Life is definitely different now.  Being a mother is a huge adjustment…the sleepless nights.  

But, look at that perfect miracle.  She is so worth it.  Life will never be the same.  Her adoption will be finalized by early summer, and we can’t wait.  We are so thankful to her birth mother who was willing to make such an agonizing decision in order to bless her child and to bless us with her child. Please pray for her birth mother over these next few months.  I’m sure she is still hurting.  I can’t even imagine what she has gone through.  

Pray for us as well.  There are many decisions we need to make.  I want to make a career change but am seeking God’s will in what to do.  I don’t know if I want to continue teaching at all or if I want to teach a different subject. I don’t want Richard to continue working two jobs either.  We don’t know if we are going to stay in Tuscaloosa.  It’s very hard raising an infant with absolutely no family in town.  My family is four hours away in Dothan, and Richard’s family is in Jasper.  There is no one to help.  Luckily, I’ve had family coming and going the last three weeks, which has been a huge help.  But, I can’t afford babysitters every time I get ready to run an errand.  It would be nice to have family around. 

 Please forgive me these next few months as I blow up Facebook with photos. Just stop following me if it gets to be too much.  I’ve waited nine years for this, so I won’t be stopping. 

Thank you for all of your love, support, and prayers as we’ve gone through this journey.

Love,

Shatisa

The Pit and the Pendulum

Christians can feel the victory of making it to the mountaintop. They can also experience the lows of the valley, but there is also a pit, a dark and desolate place. I've been in the bottom of the pit. I've been so far down that pit that I could scarcely see fragments of light.  I've watched the swinging pendulum of the clock and felt its incessant ticking, the fear of time running out. I have wondered if God heard my cries, if he even cared.  In my lowest and most frustrating times, I have cried out to God much like Job did. I didn't say the right things or petition him like the perfect Christian. I was raw, brutal, honest. I asked the questions that some Christians are afraid to ask. I begged, pleaded, screamed, and cried. I tried to bargain and negotiate. I was broken before my Lord.

But despite it all, he heard my cries, and he answered my prayers. He reached down and pulled me out of the pit and showed me that he hears every prayer that I pray and has captured every tear that I've shed. I have learned firsthand that my God loves me. Oh, how he loves me! He has shown me that he is still in the miracle business, that he gives us the desires of our heart, that nothing is impossible with him, and that he can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. No matter what you are facing, never give up. Never doubt God.

After our last fertility treatment and the devastating news that the $7,000 treatment didn't work, we were heartbroken to say the least. I was in my darkest place. January 13th was the day we got the news. January 20th was the day we met with the doctor and discussed our limited options. Then came January 23rd. That was the day that I received a message on Facebook from a college friend. She told me that she had read my blog. Then she proceeded to tell me that after reading it she was contacted by her mother and told that a family member was pregnant and could not keep the baby. She didn't believe it was a coincidence but something that was God orchestrated. She asked if she could share our story with the girl. Richard and I talked it over that night and decided to let her, but we really thought nothing would come of it.

I got news on the 28th that she was open to the idea of our adopting her baby. By the next day, she had selected us. But the story gets better. She is having a baby girl, and she is due at the end of this month. Most people have nine months to plan. We have about three and a half weeks. Everything has to be expedited. We have spent the last couple of weeks working with a social worker and completing the home study. We met with the lawyer on the 6th, and the birth mother came to Tuscaloosa today (11th) to complete her portion of the paperwork with the social worker. The lawyer has drawn up the paperwork for the interlocutory agreement, and she will go before the probate judge within the next week or so.

This happened fast and unexpectedly. There are things that I can't tell you. There have been miraculous things that have happened, financial miracles, gifts from friends. All of this has shown me that it is a God thing. I have complete and total peace. Though there is always a chance that the birth mother can back out, I have no fear that she will. That is our baby, and she is coming home with us. The process has been smooth and easy.  You never know how much you want something until it's placed before you.

We are overwhelmed at God's goodness. When God orchestrates something, you know it. We've experienced an overflow. I sat in the bed last week and cried. I could not stop crying. I was amazed by God, embarrassed that I ever doubted him, grateful for his blessing, and overwhelmed at his outpouring of love. He answered my prayers, in more ways than one. He even paid attention to the tiny details, the little desires of my heart. He is so good. I can not thank him enough for his goodness.

Please continue to pray for us and the birth mother. This will be a difficult time for her. Pray that things will continue to go smoothly and that we will be bringing home our baby very soon. Adoption comes with risks. Yes, she could back out, but I have a peace that passes all understanding. I know everything will be just fine. We just have to wait a little bit longer. Thank you all for your support as we've fought this difficult battle. Thank you for your love and prayers. Continue to keep us in your prayers.

In love,
Shatisa and Richard

Plan Z

Most of you already know that our last treatment did not work.  I posted a blog last week about it.  It was very disappointing, to say the least.  We went in today for our follow-up appt. with our doctor.  He said that on paper my last treatment was picture perfect.  It was the best response that I’ve ever had.  Honestly, the last five have been wonderful.  There is no reason why I shouldn’t be pregnant.  They were all great responses, but I’m not, so there is some kind of issue.  It could be that I’m not producing quality eggs.  It could be that sperm cannot penetrate my eggs.  Those are all things that you can’t find out unless you are looking at it under a microscope.  However, my doctor did ask how much the last treatment cost, which was $6,300. He said if insurance were paying for some of it, he would tell us to just do another IUI because I responded so well, but insurance doesn’t cover anything, so he said it just wasn’t cost effective. 

Yes, I responded well enough to do IVF, but here is what most of you don’t understand.  Because I have low ovarian reserve, I don’t have the number of eggs that the normal woman has.  There is absolutely nothing I can do about that.  It doesn’t matter what I change about my health or what diet I’m on or what meds I take.  You are born with the number of eggs you will have.  You can’t increase that number. Only God can do that.  It is what it is. The average woman takes the drugs that I was on and can produce upwards of twenty follicles.  During IVF the doctors take the eggs out and fertilize them and select the best embryos to implant into the woman.  The average woman may end up with more than ten embryos, so she can spend $20,000 on the first full round of IVF and come back and use frozen embryos that she has left over and do another round that will be much less since she doesn’t have to take any drugs.  I, on the other hand, only produced five mature follicles on IVF drugs.  They would probably have to implant all of my embryos into me the first time, that’s only if they are of good quality.  If it didn’t work the first time, I wouldn’t have frozen embryos.  I would have to do the full cycle over again.  Two rounds of IVF would cost me $40,000.  Plus, it’s a risk, because we don’t know the quality of my eggs.  I could risk that much money and have nothing to show for it.  It’s a great procedure for the average woman, but it’s not ideal for us. IVF is not an option for us.  As the doctor put it, it wouldn’t be cost effective, it would be risky, and I would have low chances of conceiving.  We could try it with donor eggs, but you are looking at $30,000 or more to do that. 

Okay, so there is adoption.  I’ve said it before, but adoption of an infant is extremely expensive.  It costs roughly $25,000 to adopt an infant from an adoption agency in the U.S.  It costs even more if you adopt one overseas.  You will also be on a waiting list for a long time.  I believe that adoption is a calling.  We could adopt a foster child, but you deal with risks: behavioral issues, developmental issues, psychological issues.  Many of these children have been abused.  If you don’t believe me, go to the Heart Gallery of Alabama website and view the children waiting to be adopted. I think it is a wonderful program, but you also have to be careful.  You don’t know what you could be bringing into your home, and you have to be prepared to deal with the abuse that many of these children have come from and the issues that stem from that abuse.  There are many people who I know who have been able to adopt without going through an agency.  It is much less expensive, but those are rare situations. 

On to plan Z! Embryo donation is our best option.  My doctor is in charge of that program.  He thinks this is a wise decision and a cost effective one.  It is $5,800 to do this procedure.  That is much cheaper than anything else I could do, and it significantly increases my chances of getting pregnant.  There is a 30-50% chance of getting pregnant per embryo.  They will put 2-3 embryos inside and hope that at least one implants. We will be placed on a waiting list.  I don’t know how long that is, but he told me it would be months and not years.  It is no different than adopting.  It is even better.  I will get to carry the child.  However, it is a one-time deal.  They don’t let you continue repeating the procedure over and over again.  If it doesn’t work, you go back to the bottom of the waiting list. They will allow you to do this procedure until you are 50 years old.  Don’t worry.  I have no plans of being pregnant when I’m 50.  All we can do is try it.  The hardest part is mourning your chances of having a biological child.  You have to let that go.  Unless God intervenes and allows us to conceive on our own, which is ALWAYS a possibility, we will not be able to conceive a child that is biologically ours.  That makes me very sad, but I can’t do anything about it. Being on a waiting list will give us time to pay off the last loan we took out.  We almost have it paid off.  Then we will have to take out another loan to do the procedure. 

Thanks for your prayers.  If you have ideas about how we can fund raise, send them our way.  If you know of anyone who is going through infertility treatments, I have leftover medicines that need a home.  Send them my way.  I can help them out. 

Love,

Shatisa