Joy Unspeakable

Do you know what it's like to be happy? I'm talking about the kind of joy that gives you contentment in all aspects of your life. That's where I find myself these days. Before Madison I was filled with so much sadness and longing that it trickled into every crevice of my life. I hated my job. I found discontentment with my friends, church, my family, my marriage. You can bury yourself so far down into a pit that it's almost impossible to see the light.

Things are vastly different now. I'm on the mountaintop. I can't think of a time in my life when I was happier than I am right now. And I know that people get tired of hearing about it. You can block me on Facebook if I annoy you with my pictures and posts, because I can assure you that it won't end. I will never stop praising God for what he has done in my life. In fact, I will never stop basking in his goodness. There are moments when I want to shout and praise him in random places because I am overwhelmed by the fact that he loves me so much that he answered my prayers.

I remember sitting in church many years ago when our previous pastor was preaching, and I looked up on stage--I don't know if you call it a vision or dream or what--and saw myself on stage giving my testimony. I saw myself with a child, and at that moment, I told the Lord that I would share my testimony when this was all said and done. I share it mostly on Facebook and in conversations, but I got to share it recently at an event at church. I hope that I can share it even more and give hope to people who feel hopeless. It's the least I can do.

So what's next? Well, I would love nothing more than to give Madison a brother or sister. Richard and I both have siblings, and I know how awesome it is to grow up with family. I don't know how or if that will happen. Maybe I'll get pregnant. God works miracles every day, and he has a sense of humor. Maybe we will have another baby fall in our laps like Madison. Maybe we will foster children or adopt from DHR. I don't know. The one thing I do know is that after walking in faith for ten years and seeing God perform a miracle in my life, I just trust him. I have no doubt or fears. I know that everything will work out. He has a perfect plan. If we don't have any other children, I will be content being Madison's mommy. However, I just don't think he's finished with me yet.

I'd like to end with a quote by Rick Warren:

"Faith is not denying reality. It's not pretending you don't have a problem. It's not saying, "I'm happy" when you're really grieving inside. That's not faith; it's phoniness! Faith is facing the facts without being disheartened by them because you know God is greater than the problem. Faith is facing reality without being discouraged by it. You know God can change a situation. The key is to look beyond your circumstances: 'We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen [the problem] is temporary, but what is unseen [God's power] is eternal' (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)."