Thanksgiving

I haven't written a blog in quite some time. That's because I've been extremely busy chasing and raising a toddler. My life is vastly different now than it used to be. This Thanksgiving and every Thanksgiving from here on out, I can't help but stop and thank God for how much he has richly blessed me. In some ways, my life is almost like a fairytale or a dream come true. I'm not implying that it's perfect. It's not, but it's so much better now than I ever imagined it would be.

Beauty from ashes, that phrase echoes in my mind. I am thankful that God took the broken, wrecked person that I was and restored me. He lifted me from the ashes and turned me into something beautiful. My story has a happy ending, and I know that's not the case for everyone who is fighting a battle. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that he heard my cries and saw me stand in faith and believe Jeremiah 29:11. I am so thankful that God's Word is true. I am so thankful that his promises are still true today. I, for as long as I live, will never stop praising my God for all that he has done for me.

Someone commented on a picture recently that I was glowing and that my daughter is beautiful. Yes, she is the most beautiful and precious being I've ever seen, and she was created just for me. And you know what? I am glowing. People don't understand the toll that infertility takes on a person. I was depressed and sad and in emotional pain, and you could see it written all over my face. I was at my heaviest from the years of infertility treatments, meds and hormones flooding through my body. I found myself redirecting my pain and frustration on others. I complained about my job, my marriage, my church, my friends.

That cloud of despair is gone. I love my job. The Lord has blessed me again with the opportunity to work with the choir. I have lost 50-55 lbs and am trying so hard to be healthy for me and for my daughter. I no longer walk around with sadness on my face. I smile..all the time, and it's genuine. I've stopped complaining and focusing on the issues around me. I try to look for the positive instead of focusing on the negative. And it has impacted every aspect of my life.

Through our journey, we learned what it feels like to be helped, prayed for, and loved on by others. It's almost become a ministry for us. We search for people we can help and ways to donate money to help others. It may not be much, but we try to help someone out every month. Finding ways to bless others and pay it forward has become my motto. I've even posted a sign in my room challenging my students to find ways to help others.

I am thankful for who I have become. I am thankful that I am a mother. I am thankful that my story can be used to give hope to others and restore faith in God. I am thankful that I am a healthier person, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am thankful that my needs are met. I am thankful that I have decided to be more introspective. I am thankful that God has challenged me to step out of the comfort of my home and church and try to be the hands and feet of Jesus to others in need. I am thankful that I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I am thankful for this amazing journey and gift called parenthood. It is a dream come true.

My challenge to you all is to stop and think about all the blessings you've been given. Start your prayers with all the things God has blessed you with, and make that a focus in your life. Sometimes we get so bogged down by the negative that we don't take time to bask in the goodness around us.

I am thankful for this journey I am on, and I am thankful that my story is still being written. Every day a page is turned in the book of my life, and the storyline is always something new and exciting.

With love,
Shatisa

Joy Unspeakable

Do you know what it's like to be happy? I'm talking about the kind of joy that gives you contentment in all aspects of your life. That's where I find myself these days. Before Madison I was filled with so much sadness and longing that it trickled into every crevice of my life. I hated my job. I found discontentment with my friends, church, my family, my marriage. You can bury yourself so far down into a pit that it's almost impossible to see the light.

Things are vastly different now. I'm on the mountaintop. I can't think of a time in my life when I was happier than I am right now. And I know that people get tired of hearing about it. You can block me on Facebook if I annoy you with my pictures and posts, because I can assure you that it won't end. I will never stop praising God for what he has done in my life. In fact, I will never stop basking in his goodness. There are moments when I want to shout and praise him in random places because I am overwhelmed by the fact that he loves me so much that he answered my prayers.

I remember sitting in church many years ago when our previous pastor was preaching, and I looked up on stage--I don't know if you call it a vision or dream or what--and saw myself on stage giving my testimony. I saw myself with a child, and at that moment, I told the Lord that I would share my testimony when this was all said and done. I share it mostly on Facebook and in conversations, but I got to share it recently at an event at church. I hope that I can share it even more and give hope to people who feel hopeless. It's the least I can do.

So what's next? Well, I would love nothing more than to give Madison a brother or sister. Richard and I both have siblings, and I know how awesome it is to grow up with family. I don't know how or if that will happen. Maybe I'll get pregnant. God works miracles every day, and he has a sense of humor. Maybe we will have another baby fall in our laps like Madison. Maybe we will foster children or adopt from DHR. I don't know. The one thing I do know is that after walking in faith for ten years and seeing God perform a miracle in my life, I just trust him. I have no doubt or fears. I know that everything will work out. He has a perfect plan. If we don't have any other children, I will be content being Madison's mommy. However, I just don't think he's finished with me yet.

I'd like to end with a quote by Rick Warren:

"Faith is not denying reality. It's not pretending you don't have a problem. It's not saying, "I'm happy" when you're really grieving inside. That's not faith; it's phoniness! Faith is facing the facts without being disheartened by them because you know God is greater than the problem. Faith is facing reality without being discouraged by it. You know God can change a situation. The key is to look beyond your circumstances: 'We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen [the problem] is temporary, but what is unseen [God's power] is eternal' (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)."