The Pit and the Pendulum

Christians can feel the victory of making it to the mountaintop. They can also experience the lows of the valley, but there is also a pit, a dark and desolate place. I've been in the bottom of the pit. I've been so far down that pit that I could scarcely see fragments of light.  I've watched the swinging pendulum of the clock and felt its incessant ticking, the fear of time running out. I have wondered if God heard my cries, if he even cared.  In my lowest and most frustrating times, I have cried out to God much like Job did. I didn't say the right things or petition him like the perfect Christian. I was raw, brutal, honest. I asked the questions that some Christians are afraid to ask. I begged, pleaded, screamed, and cried. I tried to bargain and negotiate. I was broken before my Lord.

But despite it all, he heard my cries, and he answered my prayers. He reached down and pulled me out of the pit and showed me that he hears every prayer that I pray and has captured every tear that I've shed. I have learned firsthand that my God loves me. Oh, how he loves me! He has shown me that he is still in the miracle business, that he gives us the desires of our heart, that nothing is impossible with him, and that he can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. No matter what you are facing, never give up. Never doubt God.

After our last fertility treatment and the devastating news that the $7,000 treatment didn't work, we were heartbroken to say the least. I was in my darkest place. January 13th was the day we got the news. January 20th was the day we met with the doctor and discussed our limited options. Then came January 23rd. That was the day that I received a message on Facebook from a college friend. She told me that she had read my blog. Then she proceeded to tell me that after reading it she was contacted by her mother and told that a family member was pregnant and could not keep the baby. She didn't believe it was a coincidence but something that was God orchestrated. She asked if she could share our story with the girl. Richard and I talked it over that night and decided to let her, but we really thought nothing would come of it.

I got news on the 28th that she was open to the idea of our adopting her baby. By the next day, she had selected us. But the story gets better. She is having a baby girl, and she is due at the end of this month. Most people have nine months to plan. We have about three and a half weeks. Everything has to be expedited. We have spent the last couple of weeks working with a social worker and completing the home study. We met with the lawyer on the 6th, and the birth mother came to Tuscaloosa today (11th) to complete her portion of the paperwork with the social worker. The lawyer has drawn up the paperwork for the interlocutory agreement, and she will go before the probate judge within the next week or so.

This happened fast and unexpectedly. There are things that I can't tell you. There have been miraculous things that have happened, financial miracles, gifts from friends. All of this has shown me that it is a God thing. I have complete and total peace. Though there is always a chance that the birth mother can back out, I have no fear that she will. That is our baby, and she is coming home with us. The process has been smooth and easy.  You never know how much you want something until it's placed before you.

We are overwhelmed at God's goodness. When God orchestrates something, you know it. We've experienced an overflow. I sat in the bed last week and cried. I could not stop crying. I was amazed by God, embarrassed that I ever doubted him, grateful for his blessing, and overwhelmed at his outpouring of love. He answered my prayers, in more ways than one. He even paid attention to the tiny details, the little desires of my heart. He is so good. I can not thank him enough for his goodness.

Please continue to pray for us and the birth mother. This will be a difficult time for her. Pray that things will continue to go smoothly and that we will be bringing home our baby very soon. Adoption comes with risks. Yes, she could back out, but I have a peace that passes all understanding. I know everything will be just fine. We just have to wait a little bit longer. Thank you all for your support as we've fought this difficult battle. Thank you for your love and prayers. Continue to keep us in your prayers.

In love,
Shatisa and Richard